Thursday, 12 January 2012

I don't get it....

Ok so here's the thing.... I just dont get it....

How could anyone turn their back on these two little girls?

Be their father for 4 years, do what you did, be punished ( if the justice system believes thats what it was) for it, then make a new life for yourself and just vanish from theirs. Its been almost 6 months since you spoke to them - that's a twelfth of their lives... Christmas came & went without a word....

My heart aches for my children when I leave them to go to work .... I would walk barefoot over broken glass to get to them... nothing would keep me from them, no matter how hard it was or what obstacles I faced.

I am their mother, they are my life and I adore them... they need me and I need them. They are my total reason for living, my everything.

We are now so happy and settled, they have forgotten sitting screaming under the dining table, terrified of what happened to them... what you did to them that day.... they are content.

Their friends no longer tease them in the playground about their Daddy not loving them because he drove them home from school too drunk to stand up..... They have almost forgotten... but never totally... they still scream if I reverse out of the drive & I am not wearing a seatbelt.....

You did that to them.... and yet I gave you a chance to prove you could be a father to them.... you dipped in & out for a while, but you didn't want them, you wanted your old comfortable life back, you have found a new life and they are forgotten....

How could you?

I want you to know this..........             they no longer need you, I tried to bring you together for 18 months because I believed it was best for them to have you in their lives.... I was wrong, they are better off without you.

They deserve better.... they are beautiful, loving, funny children who deserve stability and love in their lives.... and finally I realise, they have all the love and stability that they need   ... in me.

And in the new life that we now have.

You see, I can't replace you ... I wouldn't want to because the father that you were isn't one that they need.... they now have all that they need and finally I can close the door on that chapter of my life and start really enjoying the one I am living now.

But you should also know this.... having finally made this decision and been through so many chances to try to bring you together, know now that if you ever come to your senses and realise what it is you have lost.... it will be too late.

I will never let you hurt my darling babies again.... I will stop at nothing to prevent you hurting them (however slight) again. And I am not alone.... those little girls are now surrounded by more love then they have ever known..... they are happy and content and so my heart is full.

I know you won't read this and to those that do, I am sorry for my rant.... this to me finally represents closure on the events of the last 2 years. I feel lighter already!!!!


  1. So pleased you've found closure and that your girls are doing well.
    You are a fantastic mother and I really hope you enjoy the new life you've made for yourself and the girls.
    Big. big hugs xx

  2. You go girl!! So pleased that you have found the closure to put that chapter of your life behind you. Onwards and upwards - you are fabulous dah'ling and a wonderful Mummy to two gorgeous princesses :) xxx

  3. Oh Claire - biggest hugs, finding closure so something like this is essential, I'm so glad you've finally found it and I'm so glad your gorgeous girls are so very happy now and content - you all deserve that happiness.


  4. Crying reading this. So glad you fund closure love. Your girls are lucky to have such a wonderful mum and I hope you have an amazing 2012. You all deserve it :)

  5. Hugs to you and your girls. Here is 2012 being the start of the bright and happier future. xxx

  6. Just read this Claire. I know its been a long tough journey for you and the girls and its wonderful to hear that you're coming through the worst of it. As long as they have your love and protection your gorgeous girls will grow up to be strong young women, just like their mum! xxx